Quotes in humor

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

More quotes by   Will Rogers view quote details

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

More quotes by   Steven Wright view quote details

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

More quotes by   Steven Wright view quote details

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.

More quotes by   Casey Stengel view quote details

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

More quotes by   Dave Barry view quote details

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

More quotes by   Dave Barry view quote details

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.

More quotes by   Will Rogers view quote details

A fool and his money are soon elected.

More quotes by   Will Rogers view quote details

The metaphor of the king as the shepherd of his people goes back to ancient Egypt. Perhaps the use of this particular convention is due to the fact that, being stupid, affectionate, gregarious, and easily stampeded, the societies formed by sheep are most like human ones.

More quotes by   Northrop Frye view quote details

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

More quotes by   Robert Frost view quote details