Quotes in humor
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.
The metaphor of the king as the shepherd of his people goes back to ancient Egypt. Perhaps the use of this particular convention is due to the fact that, being stupid, affectionate, gregarious, and easily stampeded, the societies formed by sheep are most like human ones.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.