Quotes by Matt Groening
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.