Quotes by Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.