Quotes by W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.
I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.