Quotes in humor

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

More quotes by   George Burns view quote details

Let him that is without stone among you cast the first thing he can lay his hands on.

More quotes by   Robert Frost view quote details

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

More quotes by   Gary Larson view quote details

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

More quotes by   Will Rogers view quote details

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

More quotes by   Steven Wright view quote details

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

More quotes by   Dave Barry view quote details

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

More quotes by   Dave Barry view quote details

The metaphor of the king as the shepherd of his people goes back to ancient Egypt. Perhaps the use of this particular convention is due to the fact that, being stupid, affectionate, gregarious, and easily stampeded, the societies formed by sheep are most like human ones.

More quotes by   Northrop Frye view quote details

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

More quotes by   Robert Frost view quote details

The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

More quotes by   Tom Lehrer view quote details